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Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
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11:57 pm
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I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
Maybe two years ago, I met the man of my dreams. And I pretty much knew it when I saw him too. I dont really believe in love at first site, but there was definitely an attraction. When we first met, I was still in the closet about being gay. He just wasnt overly open about it. We were friends for a year, growing closer constantly. Then it kind of dawned on us. We were both gay and had feelings for the other. So we started dating. Like any relationship the beginning was amazing. Then it went rocky. We both had our issues. And yeah, we broke up a couple of times. I think it was honestly only twice, but it doesnt matter now. We were called stupid for moving so fast. And we probably were. And still are. But I dont care. Im sure he doesnt care. We're happy together.
Before the holidays we had another one of our falling outs. Actually, it was my falling out. We finally got back together. Before Christmas, I was talking to him. Ive known for a while i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We both knew that. We had already done research on gay marriages, finding out where they are legal and stuff like that. When we first started talking about it, it was more to find out where we could live. But last Christmas, it turned into where we can just get married. We knew it wasnt legal in Chicago. It doesnt matter though. We just wanted the ceremony. And a document saying at least some where we are legally married. We set the date for valentines day. It was a year after we first started dating. It just fit pretty much.
When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face I can't replace
Wednesday we went out to Toronto. He grew up there, so we decided to go back. I kept getting more and more excited as it grew closer to thursday. I know youre supposed to get nervous or whatever, but I wasnt. I knew/know he's the one I want to be with. He was nervous, but I never was. I love him. Thats all there is too it. Thursday I woke up and was jittery with excitement. When he woke up, we started getting ready. We had discussed getting new rings already, since we had given each other rings before. We decided to keep the old ones, because there was so much to them. We had been through so much it felt almost wrong to not use them as wedding bands. At the same time, I wanted something special for our ceremony. I had bought him another ring. It was a smaller one, with diamonds in it. I gave it to him while we were at the hotel. I wanted to suprise him at the ceremony, but the more I thought about it, the more it sounded like a bad idea. Since we had decided not to, it could have been a shock to him. If he was only using the one he had given me, I would look like I had out done him or something, so I gave it to him before we left. When I gave it to him, he said he had something for me. He had bought a ring too. Its amazing how we think alike. Then again, after a year of dating, you would think we have the same ideas on a few things.
We have two small dogs, minature yorkies. They are our babies. Weve had Ted for a long time. Since about the time we started dating. We recently got Bill. Ted was constantly humping squirrels so we decided to go with a girl dog for him. Craig wanted to use them in the ceremony, so we bought them little outfits to get them dressed up. Ted was our ring bearer, though he didnt actually carry the rings, and Bill was the flower girl. She was a little bitch when we tried getting her ready. And I honestly mean that. We realized later that shes pregnant. Its amazing. I dont even know how to describe it. Its just..amazing.
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
We chose a small chapel downtown to have the ceremony at. I would have liked some of our family there. Well techniqually mine, but they love craig as much as anyone else in the family. But it doesnt matter. We arrived and soon the ceremony started. I went to weddings when I was younger with my mom and she would always cry. She insisted that at her wedding my father had cried, but he would argue that up and down. I had always said that I would cry. Apparently I just didnt know anything then. Despite it being very small, it was beautiful. Everything was perfect. We decided to give our own vows. I fought with mine for a while, finally deciding on what I wanted to say. But when it came time for me to tell him, I choked. I could feel the tears rolling down my face. I stumbled over my words. I couldnt help it. It was that inevitable feeling of ... love? Amazingness? Perfection? Whatever it was, it had control over me. When I finally got done, he gave his. Not able to speak much easier than I just had. At that point in time, I was on cloud nine. I felt so amazing nothing could bring me down. It was pure natural ecstasy.
There are two kisses that I will never forget. The first one, Craig and I had broken up, not even twenty four hours. We bumped into each other and realized there was no way we could live without the other. At that point, we had only decided to work on our relationship. But I had to kiss him. It was the most meaningful kiss I had ever had up to that point. Then Thursday. The end of the ceremony had arrived. It was amazing. He is amazing. The kiss felt like it lasted a lifetime. Had I died right then, God could have sent me to hell and I would have still been in heaven. There was nothing that could take away from that.
And it starts in my toes
And I crinkle my nose
Wherever it goes
I always know
That you make me smile
Its been a week now since we got married. Its been the best week of my life. We didnt have time to really go on a honeymoon. I had class and work. Craig had to work. And Bills pregnant, so a lot of traveling isnt very good for her. But this summer well take a vacation/honeymoon thing. Maybe we will go back to Florida. We went there last year. Well, I drug him along with me.
Craig. Theres not enough I can say about him. I love him. He is amazing. I would give everything for him and thats the truth. At times, our relationship was hell. Right now, its perfect. Its better than perfect. We get along amazingly. Hes beautiful, inside and out. He is honestly my other half. There are things we dont agree on, but were only human. I appreciate him so much. Im kinda sad right now. I got out of bed to get a drink. Then decided to check my mail and now Im sitting here writing about him. I could be curled up under the covers with him. Amazingly comfortable and completely relaxed. He does that to me. We were talking the other day. Just sitting on the couch talking about his job, I think it was. I completely zoned out. I couldnt hear what he was saying. I was just staring at him, so amazed that we were together and that hes mine. Apparently I was so overwhelmed, I squeezed him tightly and kinda scared him. I couldnt help it though. I love him. I guess that the overwhelming excitement and giddyness that I have now everytime I even hear his name will fade with time, but what I would give to save it.
♥ James Truss-Trohenstein
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(13 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, January 22nd, 2008
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2:26 am
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Background &
...lifestyle
James was born in October to Tyson and Vivian Truss. He was born six years after his brother and eight years after his sister. His parents weren't planning on having another child, but they welcomed him to thier family the same way they had the other two children. His sister wasn't too thrilled with having a new sibling, though his brother was ecstatic. Growing up was easy for James. He was given basically everything he wanted within reason. His parents did deny him a motorcycle when he was ten, but he eventually got over that. As a young child, his family got along great. A bit of sibling rivalry, but nothing out of the ordinary. However, when he started high school, everything changed. He had met a few older kids and joined their band.  He started off just playing guitar, but eventually began to sing. The group started off small, playing weddings and family events, nothing outlandish. When the other boys graduated high school, their gigs got bigger and spread out over Florida and lower parts of Georgia and Alabama. James's mother did not like this at all. He would be out all hours of the night, coming home drunk or stoned or the next day. His mother was more scared than anything, but her fear showed through anger. As the time went on, his band and attitude towards his mom only grew worse. There were more shows, more drugs, more drinking, more arguing at home, and as little time as possible spent there. He felt like his mom didn't understand him. He graduated in 2003 and his band had a van and played more shows over the South. James would spend days away at times without calling his parents. During this period was when he stopped being referred to as James. His friends had started calling him J for two reasons. One, it was easier to say than James, and two, his mother called him James and he absolutely despised it. In early 2006, his family and friends had had enough. His fellow bandmates were all ready to settle down and live normal lives and his mom and dad had been fighting so much it had torn them apart. The week his bandmates, that knew him better than anyone, had told him they wanted to stop playing, his parents also informed him they were divorcing. J was devasted. He felt like everything was his fault. His friends didn't blame him at all and told him several times. His mother and older sister did though. His friends had all moved to other parts of the country, J's father had bought a house in California, his mother had a placed in New Jersey along with his sister, and his brother was moving to Maine. J had no reason to stay in Florida. His father had offered to pay for him to go to any college he wanted. J did a google search and found one in Seattle, Washington. Before he moved, he had been diagnosed with bipolar disorder and began taking meds. With everything that had been going wrong, the meds only made things worse. After an incident with a razor blade in his dad's new home that he does not discuss, J swore off all meds, deciding he was better off dealing with the mood swings on his own.
J had always been flirty. With the girls in his school, the girls at his shows, even his friends in the band. That was just the way he was and everyone accepted it. No one had known that he was flirting with the guys because he liked them. Everyone though J was straight, except for him. He had known for a long time but was scared to admit that he was gay. He didnt think being gay would be accepted in his group of friends so he never said anything about it. His first long term girlfriend had figured it out. Though she didnt tell anyone. She tried to persuade J to come out. He didnt though. It wasnt until he moved to Seattle that he finally began telling people who he really was.
 J's dad had offered to pay for his college and he chose to make the best out of it. He began taking course in nutrition and health. His plans for graduation were to find a good job at a hospital as a Nurtitionist. He isn't the best at following the guidelines for "healthy eating" but he has a plan that works for him. He first moved to Seattle in 2006, living in the dorms. This is where he met what he thought was his true love. In mid 2007, he left Washington with his boyfriend, Craig, to attend a different college. J thought it was for the better. When they had moved, J had started taking medicine for his bipolar disorder. Once in Chicago, J started having problems with his meds. He became paranoid and was scared of everyone. He couldnt take it and woke up one morning and left, going back to Seattle. He didnt tell craig, or take any of his things with him. He stopped taking the meds when he left and began to get better. When Craig moved back to the campus in Seattle, J did his best to work things out with him and fix what had happened. The two decided they would move back to Chicago and give it another try. J had proposed to craig over the holidays and the two decided to get married on their one year anniversary. J is very happy to be with Craig and loves him very much. But he cant help but think, after all the fighting and heartache he has caused Craig, that maybe the boy he loves deserves someone better. Its only a small feeling, but its still there.
Likes &
...Dislikes
Likes ♥
♥Ted and Bill, ♥Friends, ♥Music, ♥Drinking, ♥Smoking, ♥ Chocolate, ♥Lazy Days, ♥Dancing, ♥Shopping, ♥Clubs, ♥Bars, ♥ Crashing Parties, ♥Most of all,Craig Trohenstein
Dislikes ♣
♣Being Judged, ♣Fighting, ♣Failing Classes, ♣Saw 1, 2, 3, & 4, ♣Raisins and Carrots, ♣Driving, ♣Being alone, ♣Most of the time Most of All, Being Bipolar.
Friends &
...Family
![[info]](http://www.insanejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) trohenstein Love of his life.
J met craig when they started at college in Seattle. J knew at first sight that he wanted to be with him, but was still scared to admit that he was gay. When he finally did, the two started dating soon after. They had a good beginning in the relationship, but it wasnt too long since they started having problems. J did his best to keep them together, knowing he wanted to spend the rest of his life with him. They had moved to Chicago to get away from their problems, but J wound up with more being bipolar. Craig followed him back to Seattle and they managed to get things to working again. Now they are happily engaged in New York, planning to get married on their one year anniversary, Feb 14. J cant help that hes a bit of a sap.
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